Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Story of Life

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), *but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.*

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
*Everything happens for a reason.*
Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. *Even the bad experiences can be learned from.* In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.
*Make every day count.*
Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen.
Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.
You can make of your life anything you wish.
Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.
*Most importantly,* *if you LOVE someone tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.*

Forgiveness & Love

"Why is this happening to me . . . Again?!"
"Why is every relationship the same?"
"Aren't there any decent members of the opposite sex left?"

These are common complaints, often accompanied by a host of painful emotions, extreme bewilderment and a desperate "Why?" An instant later, the culprit will be judged and sentenced. Full of remorse, those separating cry "If you would change, I wouldn't leave!"

Both parties to a conflict, in their confusion, ask the same questions and reach the same conclusions. "I'm right. You're wrong. It's settled! Why argue?!" Both are honest about their experiences, but see opposite realities. The inconsistency of alternating from absolute judgment to confusion is never realized.

In ancient times the state of "confused absoluteness" was known as "a house divided against itself." It is caused by the disease, "blockage of Personal Truth." Seldom does it occur to this confused mind that "I am the one present in every experience of my life, perhaps I'm involved and the cause of my own pain." Only for a fleeting moment can this mind conceive that it might have set up what is happening . . . again.

Pain signals blockage of Personal Truth. The person in pain easily identifies the "guilty party" and it is always "them!" The typical solution is blame, guilt and separation. So starts another downward cycle into more pain and resentment . . . again. Sound familiar?

There is an end to struggle; there is joy and aliveness beyond pain! The primary requirement for healing is a willingness to admit "If I'm in pain-- I'm in Error." Then comes a desire to do one's work. Next one must find effective tools for correction and be willing to use them consistently. Haphazard use of the tools will not produce desired relationship or financial changes and healing.

A new mind-set must be accepted to undo blockage of Personal Truth and rebuild the personal thought system that has led to confusion, pain and loss. Transformation starts with a "renewing of the mind." Through these ideas, which may at first sound crazy or impossible, thousands have healed themselves.

Total explanation of this new (though ancient) thought system is not my objective here, that would take volumes. My goal is to present practical, workable tools and a glimpse of the philosophy that backs them up. What is needed next is an open mind.

 

YOU CANNOT SOLVE A PROBLEM WITH THE MIND THAT CREATED IT!

 

The basis for true healing of mental, physical and emotional trauma is knowing that the body is not real -- it does not exist! Scientifically, this was said best by Albert Einstein: "What we have heretofore called matter is energy whose vibrations have been so lowered as to be perceptible to the senses. There is no matter!" Ancient teachings called matter "appearances" and cautioned not to judge by them.

What appears as a body is in fact an energy field, integrated and organized by what is in back of and superior to it. There are only two qualities of energy relative to any energy field:

1) Integrative--i.e., enthusiasm, love & joy that express as creativity, health and aliveness.
2) Dis-integrative--i.e., fear, anger, criticism or revenge that leads to pain and dis-ease.

In ancient teachings the holding of "dis-integrative" energy, called "defiling the temple" was referring to it as "sin." When this energy is stored in tissue, they warned, it violates the integrity of that tissue, causing disease. The wages, or result, of defiling your temple is that you die. This was not religious dogma, but simple physiology!!

Pain and dis-ease are beneficial signals that warn of error. Pain is never a sign of someone else's mistake. It is the body's "error message" and invites us to be responsible for the quality energ y we put into our systems. Most ignore the message, and wonder why disease strikes. They wish someone would invent a "magic bullet" that lets them continue destructive habits and never pay the piper. "Let me hate and gossip, have fear and anger, let me put down whom I wish. Let me ignore nutrition, eat junk AND PLEASE, let me be well and happy!" An insane wish! We can't sow wheat and reap corn, nor engage in negativity and have health, we are reaping as we have sown!

Failure to be aware and release negativity leads to an endless succession of similar events. Hence, the question: "Why is this happening to me . . . again?!" Inappropriate "positive thinking", pretending all is well when it is not, produces the same result. Appropriate and honest thinking is the goal; self-correction then follows naturally when in error.

The only restorative processes are those which face and release negativity. The body then uses its own recuperative powers to rebuild.

 

YOU CAN LET GO AND CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

 

The steps to healing begin by understanding:

 

1. The purpose of the world is to heal you and bring joy! Anything less is self-inflicted.
2. Reality is the output of the human mind, in ancient times called the "mind of man."
3. Pretending someone else is the cause of your mind's disturbing output is projection.
4. Blaming someone else for your reality is irresponsible and the key to victimhood.
5. Feeling like a victim is destructive to mental, emotional and physical health.
6. Pain is the energy that results from holding onto dis-integrative energy. Pain warns of the need for forgiveness and healing.
7. Forgiveness is the only PERMANENT solution.
8. Forgiving is NOT something done to or for others. It is an internal healing process.
9. The transition is simple, not always easy.
10. It takes commitment and work to heal!
11. The rewards are beyond what your mind can presently conceive.

TRUE FORGIVENESS is the master release process. It is a tool that opens the energy field of the "body" and liberates stored, destructive energies. It is not "letting someone off the hook" for their offenses. The root meaning of forgiveness in the ancient Aramaic is "to cancel, untie or let loose" and is a tool for undoing or changing a reality in the mind.

Verbal release is a simple first step. Identify your emotions and thoughts. Say, aloud, if practical, "I totally release from my life and body all feelings of _______ (be specific with your feelings-- i.e., fear, anger, criticism, etc.) and I release the thoughts that _____________ (be specific with your thoughts-- life hurts, no one loves me, I'll never make it, etc.).

To summarize, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! The requirement for liberty? Be accountable for your thoughts, your emotions and your realities. It's your life! Recognize and undo dis-integrative energies. Learn to forgive! The person or event you think "causes" pain only surfaces what is yours and is already within you. You have the opportunity to heal . . . again . . . Don't miss it . . . Again?!     

Be strong with all your heart

You can never learn to be strong - but you can DECIDE to BE strong !

Hundreds of millions of humans on earth are weak. weakness can have many manifestations. you can be physically strong but still be weak in the absolute sense. from the absolute point of view strength means

• making clear decisions and priorities and developing the power and creativity and innovation to achieve and realize your goals
• achieving all your goals even if all on earth are against you
• being free of any fear of any kind - ready to die in the name of God
• being true to your innermost being and to God all the time
• always keep the well-being of all creation as the top priority despite the many distractions for personal pleasure
• finding solutions of love for all situations
• having the strength to change your mind and goal if you become aware of a spiritual need to change your opinion or goals
• being ready to accept eternal and FULL responsibility for ALL you ever do
• having the power of divine love that allows you to bow any time to anyone's FEET

Can you learn to be strong? NO !

but you can decide to be strong and then BE it !

it may take a while - but this while has actually NOTHING to do with learning - it is a time that you may NEED to get used of BEING STRONG - because your ego was used to be weak for a long time - for many of you for a too long time. in addition many people WANTED you to be weak, government officials and high ranking military want you to be weak because they want you to serve their ego and their purpose as a blind and stupid YES sayer. many parents also want their children to be weak and obey in all situations. teachers at school want us to be weak to obey any and every order - even the most stupid ones. since early childhood many are being told " you are too little, too young, too small, too stupid, too ..." to do ...

after a few years you start to belief it and it gets imprinted in your brain and central nervous system, in all your body. hence YOU have to overcome this mass hypnosis that reduces hundreds of millions of humans to WEAK babies, to ill ones, too weak to be FREE. YOU have to use powerful POSITIVE affirmations to achieve what YOU want to be - a strong, powerful and brave child of god - strong in your heart and soul. strong enough and smart enough to do whatever your heart desires to achieve !

at no point is it TOO late to change your inner attitude - any point in your life - even one second before dying is it is still the right time to BE STRONG

• be strong against all odds of life
• be strong against devil wanting to keep you away from going home
• be strong against all hierarchies sentencing you to another incarnation due to your karma and missing love
• be strong against all powerful negative forces you may encounter any time during physical life as well as after you drop your physical body
• be strong in your LOVE to dissolve all obstacles brought up against you on your path of love HERE on earth
• be strong to dissolve with the fire of YOUR LOVE within any and all evil forces that you may ever encounter
• be strong to face any kind of death, die with a smile on your face and love in your heart
• be strong to withstand all pressure from any selfish earthly authorities of any kind

because God is love and the divine love God has for YOU can make you as almighty in your heart and soul as he is. god made you to his image - to be strong in all situations. you need to get used to BE STRONG - can a cat learn to BE a cat ? NO ! but a cat grows up with her cat mama and accumulates EXPERIENCES to BE a cat.

we accumulate experiences to BE and behave like a child of God - made to the image of God.

if YOU want to be strong - then you have to DECIDE to be strong ! you need to be able to say:

YES - I want to be strong in all and any situations - i want to be strong in my divine heart and i want to be strong soul and I want to have strong roots in God's divine love !

whatever you want to achieve you can achieve - if you made up your mind very clearly and if you are sure YOU want to achieve a particular goal.

being strong also means you have no more excuses for:

• NOT helping others
• NOT sharing with others
• NOT supporting others
• NOT doing all important work on your own

being strong means:

• accepting full responsibility for a proportional share in God's creation, in God's "family business"
• contributing to this family business with ALL your manpower and divine creativity
• contributing for the support of the ill and weak ones who temporarily struggle and are in need of help on their way back to strength
• contributing YOUR share to the restoration of UNITY in God's entire creation
• contributing in making all happy again, in bringing all the LOST ones together with their beloved ones

exceed your limits again and again to get used of being strong. do it in many different ways

• walking distances
• climbing mountains
• swimming distances
• working more and harder and more productively
• increasing your qualification in your present field of work
• help more different people
• learn to be day and night ON DUTY and available for ALL - if possible have a cell phone and make sure all people know they can CALL you any time when ever they need HELP or are in some kind of real trouble.
• you can practice BEING STRONG in whatever you do or plan to do - just get used to NEVER accept any given limits - instead get used to exceed any and all limits

a strong society is the best warrant for a strong and lasting peace and a lasting UNION in God of all family members. for the remainder of eternity !

whatever profession you have selected - learn more, do it better day after day, improve all your skills and knowledge, become an expert in all different fields of activities you need in your life, in family life, in professional life, in recreation, in making others happy - including in your SEX - LIFE!!

weak persons are WEAK and BORING lovers !

who wants to be boring ? who wants to join someone boring ? NONE - because ALL children of God have a divine right to get a powerful and exciting partner - an adventurer who knows that eternity includes infinite ways of LOVING and LIVING. only the very best is good for YOU and only the VERY BEST is good enough for YOUR PARTNER and your entire family !

stop playing weak to attract PITY

start being strong in all your love to attract LOVE !

I love you

YOU ARE SACRED PURPOSE

You are Sacred Purpose.

You are not your shame, your fears, your addictions, your games, your guilt, the internalized remnants of negative messaging… You are not your resistance to your true path … You are not your self-doubt… You are not your self-distraction patterns. You are not your escape hatches… you are not your pessimism about a life of meaning and purpose. You are not here merely to survive and endure.

You are Sacred Purpose.

No matter what others have mistakenly told you about who you are, no matter what mistakes you may have made in the past, you are here with a sacred purpose living at the core of your being. If that weren’t true you never would have made it down the birth canal. You never would have overcome what you have already overcome in your life.

You are Sacred Purpose.

Whatever your ways of distracting, postponing, delaying, armouring, avoiding, altering, feigning, artificializing, externalizing, superficializing your life… I encourage you to STOP IT NOW. This really is no game, this is completely real, this sacred purpose that courses through your soul veins crying out to be heard from below the surface of our avoidance. I cannot say this with enough assertiveness… To the extent that you identify and honour your true path in this lifetime, you will know genuine satisfaction, real peace in your skin.. You will be infused with vitality and a clarified focus, new pathways of possibility appear where before there were obstacles. You will know a peace that will buffer you against the madness of the world, a clarity of direction that will carry you from one satisfaction to another… Life will still have its challenges, but you will interface with them differently, coated in an authenticity of purpose that sees through the veils to what really matters. To the extent, that you avoid the quest for purpose, you will live frustrated, a half-life.. your avoidance manifest in all manner of illness, perpetual dissatisfaction, emotional problems, depression, addictive patterns, ALL REFLECTIONS OF YOUR own alienation from the purposeful root of your being.. You see, there really is no escape from reality, all there is, is postponement. you should be more afraid of avoiding your path than walking it.

You are Sacred Purpose.

AND It doesn’t matter what anyone tells you about who you are. There is so much of that. This is your journey. Even those with the best of intentions, cannot know the path you are here to walk. The REAL journey is not one of adapting ourselves to someone elses vision, but instead, shaping who we are with our own two hands. The unique clay we work with lives deep inside our soul bones, awaiting our own detection & expression. You are the sculptor of your own reality- don’t hand your tools to anyone else. Only you can know the path u r here to walk.. it’s a personal decision, and it doesn’t have to be grandiose. Your purpose can be as simple as learning how to listen better, how to enjoy the moment without getting in your own way.. wherever the growing is, wherever you find genuine peace with path, wherever you feel unmasked and genuinely real.. in the survivalist world that we are coming from, we defined ourselves by what GOT US through the day, whatever masks got food on the table, whatever way of being endured this challenging life.. but we are at the beginning of a new way, a way of being that is sourced in who we REALLY ARE, not our egoic face, not our survivalist face, not the false face of our hidden power, but the real face, the real path, the no bullshit no hype no pretence expression of WHO u REALLY ARE and a life that fully and deeply expresses the magnificence that lives within you.. Your sacred purpose may be covered in dust, it may be HIDDEN FROM VIEW, but its still in there, sparkling with infinite possibility..

You are Sacred Purpose.

This is a call to action. A call to authenticity. A call to dig yourself out from below the bushel of shame and self-doubt that has plagued humanity. A call to get off the dime and do the real work to call yourself on your distraction patterns and excavate your own purpose in this lifetime. What are you here to learn? What are you here to overcome? What are you here to express? What does your authentic face look like? Who are you, above and beyond all the noise and haste.. this is not about money, or bullshit ideas of abundance, or gratifying your ego, this is about the real thing, the real deal, the vulnerable and courageous truth about who you are and why you are here. I ENCOURAGE you to take the question of sacred purpose seriously… to not postpone it for another hour, or week, or till you retire, until the next lifetime, til you finish school, or end your relationship, but to take it seriously now… To work like a dog to find out what lives inside of you, what you are here to express, what you are here to manifest and express, what you are here to give, to share, to learn, to create, to dance, to art, to walk…. You don’t know how long you have, it may be 60 years, it may be 60 seconds, you may not make it to retirement, you may not make it to tomorrow morning, atleast if you are questing for your purpose, living your truth, you will not suffer when its time to leave your body in this lifetime, you will be living in your authenticity, this is no small achievement in this distracted world, where the unconscious media and manipulative marketers try to turn us generic and frightened so we will be locked into their script., fuck that. You are already have a script and it lives deep inside you…that script is your purpose, what you are here to express, to learn, to embody, to humanifest… So u decide which script to read- the fictional novel written by those who do not SEE u, or the HOLY BOOK written by your glorious spirit. When you walk through the gateway of purpose, you walk into yourself. You are sacred purpose, you are sacred purpose, you are sacred purpose. Don’t stop until you find it.

A MOTHERS LOVE

A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:

For cutting the grass: $5.00 
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00 
For going to the store for you: $.50 
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25 
Taking out the garbage: $1.00 
For getting a good report card: $5.00 
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00 
Total owed: $14.75

Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:

For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge 

For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you: No Charge 

For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused through the years: No Charge 

For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead: No Charge 

For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose: No Charge 

Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge. 

When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you." And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL". 

HUG AND HEAL

Sometimes, the simplest things in life are also the most beneficial. Take hugging, for instance. At some time or the other, we all have experienced the feeling of comfort and security of a warm and loving hug. There's nothing that makes us feel better than a good, solid squeeze from a friend or a loved one. But the benefits of hugging go beyond feeling good.
Studies conducted in several countries have found that a simple cuddle is a powerful therapeutic mechanism. These studies have found that hugs can improve the health of your heart, lower your blood pressure, increase your immunity, and help you fight stress and anxiety. Of course, hugs also strengthen feelings of bonding.
According to a report in The Independent, "The benefits of hugging are now so widely recognised that, in the US, it is sometimes prescribed instead of medication." It adds that “hug therapy” is being promoted as a way to tackle with depression, reduce social isolation and foster feelings of belonging.
With so many studies substantiating the therapeutic properties of hugging, isn't it unfortunate that most of us hug only superficially? A superficial hug, instead of coming about as a result of genuine affection, is one that is performed as a custom. A quick and casual hug is not the same as a genuine cuddle, and consequently, does not offer the same benefits.
According to Kathleen Keating, author of The Hug Therapy, "We need to recognise that every human being has a profound physical and emotional need for touch." She adds, "There is something godlike everyone possesses in our arms, hands, fingers. This is the power to make someone feel cherished...the power to give [and receive at the very same time!] kindness, warmth, tenderness, support, healing, security - and most of all belonging."
Hugging is so basic a need that not only must we indulge in it as frequently as we can, we must encourage others too to follow suit. So, the next time you feel like hugging someone, don't hold yourself back. Cuddle wholeheartedly. Don't be in a hurry to get it over and done with. Don't think of it as a chore. It's a beautiful expression of affection that also promotes healing and good health. So hug - for a happier, healthier world.

I Will Never Leave You; How Couples Can Achieve The Power Of Lasting Love

What went wrong with our relationships in the twentieth century?

We live in a world that is out of control. Actually, the world was never controlled or controllable, but a fundamental shift occurred in the twentieth century - we became aware of this fact. Anyone who reads or watches television now knows that there is no end to the things that can hurt or kill you. Our reaction to this daily deluge of problems is understandable: Regardless of how utterly we have failed in the past, we still want to gain some measure of control. Anything that promises that possibility - from a new political movement to a new approach to health, from a new religion to a new gun - will inevitably appeal to many people.

The first line of defense against our recognition of chaos has been to withdraw into the smallest possible definition of ourselves. Large nations are breaking up into smaller ones. Religions and races are pulling in their boundaries and rejecting anyone who is dissimilar. Men and women, gays and straights, are preoccupied with their differences. And even neighborhoods of one culture now use arms against the neighborhoods of another.

Obviously relationships have not been immune to this atmosphere. Breakups and divorce are epidemic, even among the elderly. Those couples who do stay together may face addiction, infidelity, disease, financial uncertainties, sexual incompatibility, psychological and physical abuse, and problems with children, in-laws, and schools. Our relationships are as out of control as the world itself. This fact is now inescapable, and its recognition has brought a tide of anxiety and confusion that has engulfed most couples.

A little over a century ago, a person needed a partner just to share the labor involved in mere survival. Families were larger, with older children often helping to raise their younger siblings. Marriage was permanent; life expectancy was shorter; and it was not uncommon for children to remain at home throughout the lifetimes of their parents. Those who already had wealth looked at marriage as a practical means of increasing it, and for both the poor and the privileged, marriage was needed to continue the family name. In other words, marriage was a simple necessity, a part of life, and not something that had to be singled out and carefully watched, like some strange bank of clouds on the horizon that could bring either a miracle rain or a disaster.

Today there are no obvious reasons for getting married, and so, thinking that a reason is required, we have invented new ones. Now you need a partner in order to be supported and fulfilled, in order to be "all that you can be." Concepts such as the "soul mate" have been invented, and mysticism has been injected into sex. If you add to this the fact that we no longer have a moral objection to divorce, then potentially one can have anyone at any time. Little wonder that today most people are probing every aspect of their romantic relationships for inadequacies. If you can have anyone, is your present partner really giving you everything you could get? Or if there is a person with whom you are already mystically matched, the one right person for you, have you in fact found this individual?

Now couples who come to us for help believe that simply by having a relationship, the hurt and loneliness of their past should be healed. They weren't happy before they got married, but now that they have a partner, their continued unhappiness is their partner's fault. It doesn't occur to them that except for "owning" their "mistake" in choosing each other (an arrogant rationalization for passing judgment), undoing their present unhappiness will require a joint effort.

When you get married, you simply become like the majority of adults: You are married. That in itself changes nothing. But how you react to it can change everything. Most people still believe that getting married is the most important event in their lives, but being married has become like test-driving a new car. They really think that it doesn't matter whether they reject it or not and that they can make their decision quickly, conveniently, and in accordance with the latest Blue Book of spouse ratings. Many marriage-denigrating concepts such as the throwaway "starter marriage" are now in vogue.

The enormous spiritual cost of betrayal and abandonment is presently being so miscalculated that an entire generation is in danger of becoming emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.

A couple we counseled for three years - we will call them Ben and Mary - developed a deep bond early in their freshman year of college. They got married on the very evening of graduation day. Mary, who had won several titles in synchronized swimming, began teaching at a large racquet and swimming club to support them and to help pay Ben's way through law school. Two children and twelve years later, they came to us with a family on the verge of a breakup.

At the time we met them, they had basically everything that couples long for: wonderful children (two girls), successful careers (Mary was now a prominent hydrotherapist for the physically disabled, and Ben periodically gave expert testimony before Congress on the legal issues affecting the elderly), good health, a beautiful home, and a normal, if not above average, sex life.

At any other time in history, the issues that had arisen between them probably would not have threatened their marriage. Neither of them had ever had an affair, not even an emotional one; neither was abusive to the other or to the children, not even verbally; neither was addicted to anything; they had no in-law problems; they had no money problems; they shared common political and religious philosophies; and they liked most of the same activities. Above all, they had one of the deeper bonds we have seen between two people.

Basically their issues with each other arose out of the new selfishness in which they had both become steeped, primarily through the books they had read and the separate groups they regularly attended. (Mary went to one of the twelve-step spin-off groups, while Ben attended a large men's group.) To enhance their sex life, to be "a better physical example" to their children, and to avoid "embarrassing" her, Mary wanted Ben, who was prematurely gray, to dye his hair and lose twenty pounds. This Ben refused to do. He said that if Mary truly loved him, she would accept him as he was.

For Ben's part, he wanted Mary either to quit her job or to stop bringing home the "wrenching stories" of her handicapped patients and the soap-opera politics of the hospital where she worked. Mary insisted that she had to have a partner who would listen to whatever she had to say.

We have never worked harder with any couple than we did this one, nor have we ever felt our failure to keep a family together more acutely. These two definitely loved each other, and they loved their children, but weighed against the advice they were getting from their friends and separate groups - that above all, they must not give in - love was not enough. Or to state it more accurately, although love was unquestionably present, they chose to heed their "emotional needs" (Mary) and their "integrity as an individual" (Ben) rather than the bond between them.

When Ben found himself back on the singles market, he lost a total of thirty-eight pounds and dyed his hair, his beard, and his eyebrows. Mary found that the stress of the divorce, added to the stress of her job, was too much, and within three months of their separation she had left it. Their oldest girl now comes to us for counseling.

An Unforgettable First Kiss(FICTITIOUS STORY JUST IMAGINE)

My very first kiss... yes, I remember it well. She had been visiting my family this Sunday afternoon into the early evening. It was in the middle of winter and being in a northern state, it was very cold. Time finally came for her to return to her family a couple of blocks away from where I lived.

I helped her on with her coat and she and I stepped through the door onto an uncovered porch. The window in the door was all steamed up from the heat within so no one could see us outside except as a blur. When we stepped outside, we found that is was pouring down snow in very large flakes and starting to gather on the ground.

As we were standing there watching the snow, we turned toward each other, no words had been spoken, as if the snow had taken away our ability to talk. We looked into each other's eyes and still without saying a word, we stepped toward each other, we embraced and then our lips met; soft, warm, moist a totally sensual moment, but being so young, we had only the vaguest idea what sensual was. Our lips stayed together a long time, the snow falling in these huge drops around us and on us.

Finally we parted and we both knew that THE THING had finally happened for both of us. Our First Kiss. Unforgettable.

TRUST, is the glue that holds couples together – even when they face great challenges.

Even though most newlyweds live together, they still need to work on building trust in their marriage. Trust, after all, is the glue that holds couples together – even when they face great challenges. Without trust, couples might be more likely to split in times of crises, fail at getting intimate, and have doubts about each other. Couples who trust each other have security and probably feel closer.

Here are some ways newlyweds can build trust:

1. Be truthful.

Unless you’re planning a surprise party for your spouse, you should never lie to your husband or wife. Even small lies – such as saying you’re working late when you’re shooting pool with your friends – are a bad idea. You’ll likely get caught in the lie, and suddenly your spouse will be wondering what else you’re lying about.

2. Be reliable.

Follow through on your promises big and small. If you tell your spouse you’re going to meet him or her at 8 p.m. at your house, be there on time. Promised to bring home milk? Bring home the milk. Of course, the big ones, such as fidelity and being there through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, also fall under this umbrella.

3. Set boundaries.

The green monster, jealousy, tends to rear its ugly head and threaten trust when couples don’t set boundaries with those outside their marriage. If you know it bothers your spouse when you flirt with that co-worker, then keep it professional. Don’t set up lunch dates with that ex who always calls. Make sure your spouse knows that he or she is your number one priority. He or she takes precedence over all others

4. Be trusting yourself.

Unless your partner gives you a real reason to mistrust or doubt his or her honesty, you should trust him or her. This means that you should never accuse your spouse of cheating or lying to you unless you have hard evidence. Without proof, you’ll just create an air of mistrust. It’ll make your partner doubt your honesty, too. You should have faith in your husband or wife’s faithfulness and honesty. You must believe what he or she tells you.

5. Be fair.

Don’t let your partner pay for the sins of your exes. If you had unfaithful or dishonest exes, you should have worked that out with them. Your spouse is his or her own person and has already chosen to commit to a life with you. He or she should be judged on his or her own actions.

6. Trust yourself.

Your heart led you to this man or woman. Your gut told you that he or she was worthy of your love. Your mind told you to marry him or her. If you trust yourself, you know you made the right choice. And that’s a strong foundation on which to build trust.

How to be a better couple

  10 steps to enjoying each other better...

1. Be realistic about each other

     Don't try to turn your partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys. There is only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world. Give your gal a break and   understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnight with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so you are gonna have to do with what your guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what you are. There is more to your partner than what meets the eye.

2. Always talk things out 

  Now guys, I know this is not your favourite pastime or mode of resolving issues, but you know what ? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to express yourself better so that your partner understands what your are angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about ! When you stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.

3. Do stuff together
  Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve yourselves in some shared activities; something both of you enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or just strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccer with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts you to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if your gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If you are spending more time with your friends than with your partner, it's a warning sign that you are drifting apart !!!

4. Meet each other halfway
  If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The Rock" print, you shouldn't kick up much of a fuss. If he asks you to keep your room tidy. There's got to be a little giving and taking in a relationship. So learn to meet each other halfway.

5.Show your love
  Buy her flowers or candy or perfume every now and then. Even if you have been together for 5years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that you care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear ( like for decoration purposes). Buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows you can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.

6. Respect each other
  Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is you love to laugh at. Ask yourself if she thinks its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse ! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.

7. Bury the past.
  Stop bringing up the past. Gals...don't bring up the happy things about you and your ex to your guy. It would just make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that you had with your ex or mention about her in your every other sentence as it would make your gal feel unhappy and she might think that you are saying all this because you are going to get back with your ex or not interested in her anymore.

8. Sit on your jealousy
  All of us go through spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If you are going through your partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, you know something is wrong - with you !!!  Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads through the relationship before finally killing it. Trust your partner; love has to have trust in it.

9. Keep your commitments to each other
  If your partner is standing you up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, you need to talk ! If you are in a relationship, make your partner your priority and don't disappoint them if you can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take you to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises you can't keep. If your partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to you, you may just lose him/her.

10. Be honest
  Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly ! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing your feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When you are hurt, say so, and when you are angry, tell him/her, without getting hysterical. If you can't be honest with your partner, who can u be honest with ? Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probably isn't worth it !

PLEASE VISIT MY BLOG HERE:- http://smktutorial-thelmaverdad.blogspot.com/

What is pure love & how do you know if your love is pure?

True, pure and crystal love is unconditional, seeking perfection. It means that you would suffer rather than to make suffer. Those who love in the purest way may often look crazy in our eyes, the sinners. To love, in the simplest meaning, is not to give pleasure to someone or to be jealous about him/her, it is about thinking about their good, and never hesitating between their and your own good.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

To be pure love is to be just love, no other motives or selfish reasons for loving another. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Love is like the painting in which when more colors are added, the more beautiful outcome it will result in, likewise in your love life, making and remembering more beautiful moments increases the outlook of your love
Love shares everything, ones happiness, sorrows, problems, it is never jealous nor conceited, it is always patient. It is the situation in which there is no turning back once you have made your decision, there is no way out of this world, cheating never existed nor will it ever exist in the world of pure love. Patience is another successful act of this life, it is a thing or a feeling which creates a willingness in a person of achieving everything, to be on top, to be successful, to be nicely known, to behave well with others and in helping them out e.t.c and this patience is always created by the huge support of your soul mate, he/she is the actual person who creates it in you.

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. Those of you who went through this article and they are in this love world would definitely agree with this statement and When love is not madness, it is not love. It is an ocean of emotions.

In the end i would like to add that PURE LOVE is when one leaves but the other still follows, It is when one follows that person just like his/her shadow. It is when one denies but the other still tries, he/she never gives up the hope. It is when ones attitude changes but the other still stands at the same position looking at his/her face politely with a smile on his face and with the true love falling from his/her eyes. Love is an act of endless forgiveness.

This is all about PURE LOVE that I have always realised and learned in my life until now.

I LOVE U HONEY SO MUCH WITH ALL MY LIFE.

FOR MORE .PLEASE VISIT :- http://smktutorial-thelmaverdad.blogspot.com

A question of answers

We are looking for answers… all of us. Questions are millions, but the quest is one—to find the right answer. But when we find an answer, does it satisfy the quest? Put differently, is the answer ‘right’?

If you have been seeking answers to your many questions, but are not satisfied with the answers you‘re getting, perhaps it’s time to change focus—from answers to questions.

Remember, the responsibility of an answer lies squarely on the shoulders of the question itself. Every answer lies within the question. If the question is not correct, the answer, no matter how profound, can never be right. How can wrong questions have right answers? So, if your question is a self-limiting one, don’t expect your answer to be a self-empowering one.

Take, for example, questions that start with ’why‘. Such questions are invariably backward-looking.

So, if you’re concerned about your excess weight and ask yourself, “Why am I overweight?” your answers might be “Because I eat too much” or “I am not active enough” or even “Because I am genetically predisposed to being fat”. Note that all answers begin with “because”, keeping you focussed on the cause and, in the process, only reinforcing the situation.

If you’d like to change something about your current situation, your question should reflect that desire. So, a self-empowering question would be, "How can I make losing weight exciting?" or "What are my options to lose the excess flab?" Questions like these open up possibilities and empower you to act in your interest.

But, what if the question is right and the answer still fails to satisfy the quest. The reason for that could be prejudice; often the questioner does not find the answers satisfactory because of his inability to listen with a clear, open mind. So even if the answer is right, it may appear wrong to the questioner because he doesn’t want the right answer... he wants an answer that he wants to hear.

In the final analysis, an answer must put the mind to silence. Like His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says, “Silence is the goal of all answers. If the answer does not silence the mind, it is not an answer.” So if your answers don’t quieten your mind, first check if you asked the right questions. Then, ask yourself if you’re listening without prejudice.

Completely in love

Last February, on Valentine’s Day, millions of people around the world professed their love to one another—most of them without understanding, or knowing, what love really is.

Mind you, hormones alone are not responsible for perpetuating the myths associated with love—our literature [ancient and modern] too shares the blame. It has always propagated the idea of a can’t-live-without-you kind of love.

So, when we describe romantic love, we usually associate it with feelings such as “she completes me” or “he is my other half”. Somehow, we have been led to believe that we are not complete unless we are united with our counterpart—that someone special who fills the void in our life.

The trouble with such notions about love is that they are inherently erroneous—two incomplete people can never complete each other. If you get the feeling of completeness only with another, it is nothing more than an illusion.

Think of two ‘Cs’ coming together to form an ‘O’. Each ‘C’ derives its sense of completeness from the other—in essence, both ‘Cs’ feel complete by sharing their incompleteness. Unfortunately, such feelings are temporary and therefore bound to cause disappointment, sooner than later.

James Redfield touches upon this idea beautifully in his best-selling novel, The Celestine Prophesy. He says that when two incomplete people come together, they feel a false sense of euphoria. This is a classic co-dependent relationship, which has built-in problems that begin to arise immediately.

He explains, “The problem with this completed person, this ‘O’, that both people think they have reached, is that it has taken two people to make this one whole person. This one whole person consequently has two heads, or egos. Both people want to run this whole person they have created and so both people want to command the other, as if the other were themselves. This kind of illusion of completeness always breaks down into a power struggle.”

Love is not when another completes you but when you are already complete and you share that completeness with another. When you are complete, you love without expecting anything in return. What would you expect when you don’t need anything?

We’re all here to complete our own circles of growth and then share that completeness with others. To become complete, what you need is a fulfilling relationship with yourself. Once you’re complete, you’re so full of love that you simply give it—you’re not really bothered whether the other deserves it or returns the favour.

Now imagine two complete persons coming together to share their completeness with each other. They create magic. And that’s what love is: magic.

The Value Of A Smile :)

The value of a smile is priceless, yet it is the cheapest, easiest, most rewarding and most sincere gift to anyone that crosses your path. A smile makes a person's day, anybody's day even a stranger's day. A smile is infectious. Start infecting people with your smile today.

A smile is nature's best antidote for discouragement. It brings rest to the weary, sunshine to those who are sad, and hope to those who are hopeless and defeated

A smile is so valuable that it can't be bought, begged, borrowed, or taken away against your will. You have to be willing to give a smile away before it can do anyone else any good.

So if someone is too tired or grumpy to flash you a smile, let him have one of yours anyway. Nobody needs a smile as much as the person who has none to give.


SO KEEP SMILE EVERYTIME IN YOUR LIFE .

The important things in life

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”